


I would rather chew off my own foot

by Rambling_Museums



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Five is 13!, Gen, High School, Mild Language, No Sparrow Academy, Or at least he looks that way, Post-Season/Series 02, but not AU, canon typical language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 18:55:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 6,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25760179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rambling_Museums/pseuds/Rambling_Museums
Summary: Even though he knew what went wrong with his math, Five hadn't managed to age himself back up and bring his siblings back to April 2 2019.Stuck as he was in the body of a 13 year old the Hargreeves had to do something they never imagined: Five had to go to regular school.
Comments: 27
Kudos: 189





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea where this is going. Just FYI. I don't know if this will be a 1 shot or a series of shorts or have an actual plot or anything like that.

Five's arms were securely crossed. He glared angrily at anything that had the audacity to cross into his line of sight but mostly the offensive Brutalist high school and all the annoying, snot-nosed children filing chaotically through its doors. Vanya rested her hand on his shoulder offering her oldest brother comfort he was not ready to accept. Klaus had Five's school bag slung over his own shoulder. Allison convinced Klaus to dress somewhat conservatively that morning so rather than his usual crop top and skirt or leather trouser combo he was in one of Diego's tees and some 60s flairs he fell in love with during his time as a prophet.

The school didn't have a uniform for some stupid reason. Five would have preferred the anonymity provided by a uniform. He hadn't bothered to get different clothing during the summer. Too much of his time was taken up researching the years he'd missed. Being able to actually ask his family made that much easier than it had been post-apocalypses. Which meant that on 1 September 2019 when it was time to be dropped off at school for the first time, his choices were limited.

Five tugged angrily at his collar. Buttoned up without a tie. It felt strange. He'd left his blazer at home as well. He was trying for inconspicuous here after all. The tattoo on his wrist was bad enough without it being accompanied by the crest of the Academy on his breast. He kept his vest. With labour day, Five traded his shorts and long socks for long trousers. His pragmatic black trainers were scuffed. 

In a way it was a boon to Five that their father was a bastard that didn't care for his children and their mother was a robot: Sir Reginald never told Grace to stop supplying Five with clothing to his size. He had many complete sets of his Academy uniform - many of which he never wore.

"Come on old man." Klaus grinned and waltzed toward the door, "You still have to pick up your schedule and find your home room. I wonder if it'll be like the Kissing Booth? Or maybe more like Jennifer's Body." He trailed off.

"You think I didn't take the time to scope the place out, Klaus? Does it look like I'm trying to get myself killed?"


	2. Chapter 2

"Hi there Sharlene." Klaus said to the secretary, "My beloved sister and I are dropping of Five for his first day! We're so excited for him." Vanya forced a smile. Five didn't even bother trying.

"Ah, new student? Oh yes this must be you here: Fred Harris. Here's your student packet there's a map in there as well as your locker number and combination; your class schedule; and an agenda. Now, Mr. Harris I need you to sign these forms here," she passed a clipboard to Klaus who passed it to Vanya who diligently filled in the blanks until all that was left were 'Fred Harris'' date of birth and a few other things that she couldn't remember. She passed the clipboard on to Five.

Five made no effort to make himself look anything other than murderously angry. But he finished filling out the form and nodded at Vanya when he saw that she'd put 'Five' down as his preferred name. He passed the board back to Klaus who passed it back to the secretary.

"There we go! Oh Five you're going to do great here I just know it." Five dodged Klaus' hand as the prophet attempted to ruffle his oldest brother's hair, "Now, don't you worry about getting home after lessons. Diego has already offered to pick you up."

"That idiot won't remember."

"I'll be coming too, so don't worry about it."

"Oh come here old man," Klaus pulled Five into a hug.

"Alright get off me." Klaus gave a sharp gasp as Five pinched him, "I have to go find my locker and home room."

"Wait! You're bag. Klaus give him his bag."

Five stomped into the hall. It was close enough to the start of lessons that he wasn't immediately swallowed by a sea of teenagers.

"Oh Vanya, our little psycho is growing up." Klaus clasped his hands together in front of his chest and pouted.

Vanya wrapped an arm around his waist.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I have only a vague idea of what Home Room means in the US. In my (Canadian) school it was just first period. Nothing more nothing less. So that's what Five's home room is too.

Five muttered injustices under his breath as he stomped down the hall. The school board had a policy about home-school kids. All home-school kids making the switch into mainstream had to take placement tests for all subjects.

Five had a good history for higher level maths but geography wasn't all that important in his post-apocalyptic life. The end result was a smattering of higher grade classes, lower grade classes, and one weekly tutoring session on Fridays. 

His home room was also his English class.

From a young age Five had had a confidence and self-assuredness his siblings lacked. Strong Number 1 with his Daddy Issues; Number 2 with _his_ Daddy issues; Number 3 never sure if her success was real or rumour; Number 4 scared of what his powers showed him; Number 6 scared of what his powers made him; poor, sweet Number 7 whose confidence was destroyed at her father's command. And then there was Five. Five who often escaped their father's notice, Five with decades on his younger siblings, Five with control of his spacial jumps, his training as an assassin, and his family back in relatively good health.

He used his confidence to steel himself as he stepped into his home room for the first time. He was deliberately a few minutes late to class. He was an asshole and wanted to make a statement.

It didn't work. A few students by the door fell quiet at the sight of him but Five was not more interesting than catching up with friends after the summer holidays.


	4. Chapter 4

Five made a pretense of setting up his desk: two pens, one pencil, his notebook flipped to a clean page all neatly lined up across the press-board desk top. Around him children also pulled notebooks and pens and small laptop computers out to prepare for the day. 

Allison asked Five if he wanted a computer but Five had honestly told her that he didn't have very much experience with the silly things. They were completely different from the single desktop Reginald kept around and after the apocalypse computers weren't worth very much to Five.

Five was physically a bit younger than most of his classmates. At 13 (14 in a month!) he should be in grade 9 or maybe even grade 8 but this class was grade 10s. Reginald drilled them on the Homeric Epics and other books considered classics but neglected a great deal of grammar and structure. So while Five's knowledge tested well, he didn't have the academic history to skip into a higher grade.

"Welcome Everybody!" The teacher, Mr. Gallagher, said after most students finished their prep, "I'm going to call the role. Now I do that a little bit differently in my class: I'm going to assign you parts and give you lines to say today and for the rest of the semester that's how you'll answer the role call."

"Like this, Natalie Andrews, you're going to be called Natalia and answer 'Ja Boris' in your best Russian accent." Five grumbled as the students before him complied. This was not going to help Five get to know "people his age" as Luther hoped. Five had always struggled with names of other people. His family was easy enough but strangers?

"Fred Harris?" Gallagher called, Five looked at him, "I'm going to call you NPH, and you're going to respond "Legen- wait for it -dairy" Okay?"

"No."

"What do you mean 'No' Fred?"

"I mean no."

"Alright" Gallagher didn't look particularly distressed, "What would you like to do instead?"

"My name is Five. I know you got that note because I watched Vanya write it this morning, all my transfer correspondence was signed "Five" and I handed you documentation about my entrance exams when I came in the door.

"Five is the only name I've ever answered to. You can call me Five and I will respond 'here' like in any other classroom situation."

The kid next to Five gave him a wide-eyed look, "Your name is _5_?" He stage whispered.

"Its what both my parents called me when they were alive, what my siblings call me, and what every friend I've ever had called me." Five thought it was a bit of a stretch calling the people at the Commission 'friend' but he didn't want to get bogged down with his homicidal history at the start of an English lesson.

"I can work with that, Five." Gallagher nodded and moved on to Justin Harris (no relation).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gallagher is based off a real teacher I had. My older sister had him a few years before me. I went along with his role call game but my sister didn't. She didn't react as badly as Five but basically every time 'Gallagher' called my sister by his silly nickname she replied "Here" and eventually Gallagher just moved on. 
> 
> (My 'Gallagher' was by far the worst History teacher I had. I have a whole HBA in History now but my 'Gallagher' thought he was gods gift to future history majors. I'm trying for a more jovial Gallagher here)


	5. Chapter 5

Five slipped into the back of his math class two minutes after the bell. The teacher (Ms. Myles according to Five's schedule) was already taking the role. She didn't seem to notice Five's entrance.

He shifted his weight for a moment. Five could calculate circles around most people living, not just his siblings. He was better at math than Reginald - only needing his input on equations of a more theoretical nature. So the school had placed him in Honours Calculus. So there he was, 30 days before his second 14th birthday surrounded but 18 year olds. Five felt short.

There was an open desk in the middle of the room that Five would have to claim. He hated being in the middle of a crowd.

"Fred Harris?" Ms. Myles called.

"Five, ma'am." Five corrected her through gritted teeth, "I have the last of my transfer paperwork here for you and it notes quite clearly at the top that my name is Five, not Fred." He slipped from his chair, took seven steps to the front of the room, and carefully placed the final papers on Ms. Myles desk, before making a strategic retreat to his desk.

"Five, good name. What pronouns do you use?" Myles asked without missing a beat.

"Um, he/him is fine ma'am."

"Thank you for letting us know, Five. Mine are they/them." they continued with the role.

* * *

Five had a vague understanding of gender identity and the 20th century thanks to Klaus' crash course during the summer. It mostly consisted of Klaus running down how gay marriage was legal now, but Gay Panic was still a viable legal excuse to murder queer people and how people are getting better about gender-non-confomity and preferred pronouns but it was still a bit of a shitshow.

Klaus then dragged Five off to the city's only queer cafe where he ordered something called a Unicorn Double Shot and Five got a rather nice cup of coffee.

* * *

Five scanned Myles' space for any obvious indication that they were queer. There weren't any but Five wasn't too surprised about that. Their state had terrible employment laws according to Klaus.

The rest of the class period was a let down. Myles passed out a review test full of annoyingly easy problems. They said they got harder through the test but Five didn't really believe them.

Fifteen minutes before the end of the period he set his completed review test on her desk.

"Welcome to our school, Five." they whispered, "We have a GSA that meets on Wednesdays throughout both lunch periods in this room. If you want to join us at any point feel free. No parental permission required because it takes place during school operating hours. If you need any support, my door is always open."

Five shifted his weight for a moment, "Thanks." he finally muttered looking downward to avoid glaring at his teacher.

Five had never really had the chance to explore his sexuality or gender before. The first time around, Reginald didn't really allow for that sort of thought from his children. It wasn't really until he found Vanya's book and read about how Klaus explored his queerness that it even occurred to Five that there were options.

But after the end of the world, there weren't options really. Now he was young again. Going through a second puberty, surrounded by people who looked like they were his own age.

Five still wasn't convinced his sexuality or gender actually mattered but something in his chest tightened at the prospect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that came out of left field! Was not expecting an non-binary math teacher to show up in this story... Probably the references to Five going through puberty again. Its a very trans idea.


	6. Chapter 6

Five stopped just short of the cafeteria. In one hand he had the literal paper-bag lunch Diego had packed for him ("What, its what all the kids in the movies do?"). In the other he had his current notebook. Behind his ear, his favourite pencil. The sooner he worked out the math to age himself back up, the better.

He watched the ant hill of children swarm through the cafeteria and grumbled angrily about having to do this. His siblings hadn't even let him keep the butter knife he'd secreted into his bag that morning. How on earth was he supposed to deal with goddamn children?

Five plastered his best smile on his face and pushed the door open. It wasn't the noise that bother him. It was the smell. The smells of humans, their bad breath, their BO, the products they used to try and disguise the two. It was an assault on Five's nose. But according to Allison - who had a young daughter and was therefore the closest thing the Hargreeves had to an expert on normal schooling - children eat in cafeterias and not in halls or outside or in the library. So Five, smile still in place, breathed through his teeth and tried to find a seat.

He found a spot at one of the long tables that filled the main floor with only three other boys sitting at it. Five didn't recognize them (no surprise, Five was shit at faces) but they shifted away from him as he settled. Five frowned at them and turned to his notebook. Luther promised him that all Five needed to do to fit in was smile and act nice. Five didn't see the point of fitting in. Once he figured out the math he was aging himself back up to 56 and retiring.

"You're Five, right?" One of his three table-mates interrupted Five as he scratched a theta out of an equation.

"Since my father brought me home." Five sighed and turned toward the child, "Who wants to know?"

"I'm George, that's Billy, this is Chris." George sat next to Five but with two feet between them, Billy and Chris sat across from him. Five nodded to them. "Did you just move here?"

"No." Five closed his notebook and tucked his pencil back behind his ear.

"Then why weren't you here last year?" Chris asked. The school was a combined middle and high school - classes from grade 7 to 12.

"I was home schooled," Five reached into his bag and pulled out a peanut butter and marshmallow sandwich, "But then my father died and none of my siblings are qualified to teach me." None of his siblings had anything they could teach Five. They weren't very good at geography either.

"I'm sorry for your loss," Chris picked at at his finger awkwardly.

"Don't be. He was an ass." Five pulled a thermos from his paper lunch bag, "Ah, Diego is my favourite brother!" He sighed and gulped the coffee, "eugh, never mind. Idiot can't make a good cup of coffee."

"How old are you?" Billy asked. Five's lunch-mates were probably 13 or 14.

"Mentally or physically?"

"Both?"

"56 and 14 in a month."

"You're 13 and your family lets you drink coffee?"

Five laughed, "If they tried to stop me I'd strangle them." He fought the urge to plug his nose and downed the rest of the coffee. The only thing left in the bag was a single brownie. Home made. rough around the edges. The chances that Klaus snuck it into the bag were too high for Five to chance it.

Five didn't notice the looks on his table-mate's faces as he made his escape from the cafeteria ahead of the end-of-lunch stampede.


	7. Chapter 7

Five was on the edge of snapping at the children around him by the end of the day. But according to all of his siblings, homicidal rage had no place in a school. So instead he glared and fought against the tidal wave of students to get to his locker and out to the parking lot.

Five was exhausted. His head pounded. Some idiot slammed into him between his final periods and Five could already feel a knot forming between his shoulder blades from the stress of it all.

Worst of all, Diego was already parked in the lot, sitting on the hood of his car, being harassed by children. Now Five would have save his dumbass brother on top of all the other shit from the day.

"Lets go Diego," Five said. The 'older' students surrounding his brother's car were delightfully startled by Five's appearance. And he hadn't even been trying to scare them. Wonderful.

"Five!" Diego even looked relieved, "I wasn't expecting you out so quick. We all thought you might stay a bit late to avoid the crowds. And we can't go just yet. Vany's still inside."

"What is Vanya doing at my school?" Five frowned, ignoring the children around him.

"She didn't tell you? She's assisting the music teacher with a few violin students. Apparently she's been doing this for years." Diego shrugged, "None of us knew, did you?"

Five pulled himself up on the hood of Diego's car next to his idiot brother, "No but I can't say I'm exactly surprised."

"You're the kid with the strange name, aren't you?" One of the children asked loudly.

"Hush, the grownups are talking." Five said without looking at the speaker.

Diego smacked him gently on the back of the head, "You're supposed to be trying to make friends here Five."

"Do that again and see what happens." Five dared through gritted teeth. His head was killing him. Diego leaned away from his old-young brother, "Yeah I'm Five. New kid. Who are you?" He glared at the crowd. He wasn't actually sure who spoke.

"I'm Jill and I'm more of an adult than you are." Jill had her arms crossed against her chest subtly pressing her breasts up in the way some teenage girls do to make them look bigger. According to the books that Allison made Five read during the summer in any event. To Five Jill just looked cross.

"More of an adult than Diego, maybe" Five shrugged. Diego squawked indigently, "See what I mean? Absolutely no decorum, that one." Five grinned viciously at his brother, "I wonder where dad went wrong."

"You are so lucky these kids are here asshole."

"Are you two done playing games?" Vanya slipped through the crowd of school kids to her brothers, "I still need to work out lesson plans for the rest of the semester. These students are enthusiastic."

"Vany save me from the old man," Diego begged dramatically as he slipped off the hood of the car, "He's being a bully."

Five hopped off and headed to the front passenger seat, "Hold up there Five." Vanya stopped him, "Children in the back." Five nearly retorted that she was younger than both of them thanks to their time in 1968 but cut himself off and glared at the children one last time.

He was not looking forward to going back the next day.


	8. Chapter 8

Five sat on the floor, hunched over his notebook in front of his locker. He was early today, Allison and Diego were fighting that morning and Five didn't have the patience to deal with it so he vworped most of the way to school and walked in shortly after the doors opened.

The school had cameras in the halls and outside the doors so he couldn't jump directly in. Five knew that him keeping a low profile was important for the first time in his nearly 60 years and he hated it. Hated it. Hated school. Hated children. He really was his father's child.

Five leaned back and contemplated his most recent revisions. It didn't look promising. A foot came down on top of his math. Five fought the urge to dig his pencil into the soft flesh just above the trainer. He carefully set the pencil down and pressed his balled up fists into the floor beside his crossed knees. He glared up up up at the child towering over him.

"Get off."

"What?" The girl (she'd likely prefer 'young woman' but Five thought of all the children at this school as just that - children) turned, crunching paper under her heel, "Oh I didn't see you there kid. Did I step on you?"

"Get off my book." Five's teeth were gritted, his nails bit into his his palm.

"Oh, hey sorry man!" She stepped off and Five grabbed his book.

"You're lucky I had just disproved that hypothesis." Five tried to smooth out the crumpled pages. It didn't work.

"Look I said I was sorry. You're sitting on the floor!"

"But I'm not invisible." Five hoisted himself up. And still looked up up up at the girl's face. He glared, notebook tucked between tightly crossed arms.

"Jesus why are you such a little asshole. I didn't mean to step on your book. What are you writing that so important, you're like 12."

"I was raised this way. I am a masterpiece of my father's parenting methods." Five said, "And advanced theoretical mathematics." He pushed passed her. He'd have fewer issues if he spent the next hour in Myles' class. They never bothered him with stupid questions. 

Or at least, hardly ever.


	9. Chapter 9

Five sat on a bench outside the vice principle's office. His school had three. One in charge of students with last names A-M, another for students N-Z, the final one, Five was pretty sure, was in charge of dolling out punishments. He was sat outside that one's office.

Inside Klaus and Vanya were talking to VP Anders. Mostly Vanya. Five was annoyed that Klaus was somehow the best option to play the part of his older brother. Luther was too big to fit in, Allison too well known, and Diego said he was busy. Five was pretty sure Diego was just scared of the running into the kids again.

It was just after the Hargreeves' birthday and Five might have arrived at school a little bit hung over the next day. He might have gotten into a disagreement with one of the children when that child shoved him into a locker to get by. But the child was still breathing. Wasn't that enough?

The head of the science department, Ms. Fraser who taught Chemistry, but not to Five, thought it was a good idea to 'punish' Five by taking his current notebook. It did not work out well for her - but she wasn't harmed. He just broke into her office while she was out and maybe left a bit of a mess behind when he was searching for the book. Five couldn't think of a single person he knew before starting at this school that wouldn't break in and take their property back.

Vanya pulled open the door and gestured Five inside. Vanya might not have broken into the office to take her property back. Unless it was her white violin. She might commit crimes to protect it.

"Right then, Fred, you're siblings and I were just discussing -"

"Five." All three Hargreeves countered.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Our brother's name is Five." Vanya said.

"Yeah, we tried to give him a more traditional name a while back" Klaus made a dismissive swoop with his wrist referencing their 10th birthday in 1999, "But he refused to take it."

"Its on all my paperwork."

"RIght, anyway. Five," Anders voice was pointed and sharp, "Your siblings and I have been discussing your anger issues. They assure me this is part of your transitional period. That you're not used to being around so many people all at once.

"Its not unusual for students transferring to mainstream education to have issues adjusting. But, fighting and breaking into locked rooms are not to be tolerated here." Five and Klaus shared a look, those were encouraged by Reginald - so long as they stayed out of his office anyway.

"You will have an in-school suspension for three days. You will come into school, and after checking in with Mr. Gallagher come into the main office, and do exactly what they tell you to do. If you have any issues with that, too bad." Anders attempted to look authoritarian, but Five had a good 15 years on the man and wouldn't be intimidated.

"I have a math test tomorrow," Five said, "How will that be handled?"

"Depending on what Mrs. Vanderbeld says, you might write it in the office, or you might be released for the class period."

"Okay." Five nodded. A break. A rest from the noise and congestion and children. Only 3 days but that would have to do. Five once saved the world in 14 days after all.

"Can we go Klaus, Vanya? I have work to do."

"Sure thing old man!" Klaus popped up from his seat and tried to drape an arm around Five's shoulders. Five sidestepped him, "Shotgun!"

"You know the rules, Klaus, children in the back." Five laughed at his brother's pout.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: School Resource Officer in this chapter (AKA police in the school), school shooting discussed (columbine) but not explicitly. Please let me know if I should tag these. ACAB
> 
> The closest I ever got to taking higher level maths was getting my brother to tutor me on parabolas. He's got his MA in physics... I barely passed high school math.

Sharlene Vanderbeld ran the head office with an efficiency that Five could appreciate. After twenty minutes of Five ignoring her every time she called him Fred (Five couldn't believe he let Allison pick Fred) she and the other office staff consistently called him Five. That was nice. A few of Five's teachers refused to. Those few students who thought they knew him tried to weaponize the name Fred. Calling him that to try and wind him up.

She didn't release him to write his test instead setting him up at a desk around the corner from her place at reception. Out of sight from other students. The test wasn't particularly difficult but it was long and Myles demanded their students show their work. So Five took his time to find answers in fun ways.

The first few questions he answered the way Myles expected him to but after that he needlessly complicated the questions, wrote them differently, and basically had a blast playing with numbers. It was better than the endless photo copying Sharlene wanted him to do.

He still completed the test before the class period ended though, so Sharlene let him take it to Myles' classroom in a manila envelope she sealed. She said they had had issues with test tampering in the past so this was the school standard when students were taking completed, unmarked tests from one part of the school to another. Five thought of three ways to tamper with his test without leaving a mark - or at least not one the staff would notice - on his stroll to Myles' room.

With the majority of students sequestered into classrooms, the school wasn't all that unpleasant. The lighting was harsh and the colour scheme offended Klaus but it was quiet and clean and over all, pleasant.

"What are you doing in the hall, kid?" the school resource officer asked.

"Taking this to Myles' class." Five waved his test envelope to the officer.

"Where's you're hall pass? Ms. Myles' pass is an oversized cut out of a chipmunk."

"Mrs. Vanderbeld sent me."

"You're the kid that broke down the door?" Five frowned, he'd picked the door to the office, he hadn't actually broken anything. "I've got my eye on you, kid."

"Can I go now? I'd like to get this to Myles before the bell." Five kept his voice as even as he could, no longer enjoying the quiet halls of the school.

The officer let him go, though Five felt eyes on him until he turned a corner. He seethed.

* * *

The columbine massacre happened when Five and the others were 10. They had only just started running missions and their father dismissed the situation as "beneath the Umbrella Academy". Not only had their inaction resulted in the death of children not much older than they were, but also in the introduction of School Resource Officers in schools across America.

Shitty, institutionalized bullies.

During the apocalypse Five had a lot of time to himself and free access to as many libraries as he could find - those that were still standing anyway. He was horrified at the number of school shootings and, at first, thought the SRAs were a good addition. To be perfectly frank, he didn't give SRAs too much though most of the time - it didn't matter in the future.

But Allison went on a long rant one afternoon about how Clair's SRA shoved students around in Clair's school and how little she could do about it. SRAs and other cops don't get arrested for hurting children, after all.

Even Diego soured to the police after that.

* * *

Over the following weeks, the SRO was almost always near Five when he moved from one class to the next. Looming, obvious. Five tried to tell himself it was nothing but when he went from his grade 12 physics class to the library for his geography tutoring and the SRO was still there he let his paranoia win out.

Five was being tailed by the worst tail in the history of espionage.


	11. Chapter 11

"You have a reputation Five." Luther Shouted. The two were in the mansion's school room - disused for a good ten years but the blackboard and desks were still in good shape. Five had taken it over as his own, personal work area shortly after he started regular school. Five had been setting out some of his homework when Luther burst in twenty minutes ago. The shouting hadn't stopped since he arrived.

"We all have reputations!" Five yelled back, "Every single one of us is messed up and it shows." Luther had the audacity to demand Five be 'on his best behaviour' at school from that point on. Apparently Five's younger siblings didn't like his method of making friends or doing his class work.

"They want to send you to a therapist - or just kick you out."

Five laughed, "Like that would change anything. They'd just conclude that I'm mad. Seeing as I'm nearly sixty and stuck in the body of a 14 year old and literally from a different time."

"Exactly, asshole. If you don't get it together you're going to get sectioned."

"Get out, Luther, I have work to do."

"Oh and what work would that be, hm Five? Figuring out how to age yourself back up again?"

"Actually I have an English essay to write."

"Well." Luther huffed, "Fine! But only because you have school work to do." He nearly poked Five in the chest but thought better than antagonizing the little assassin at the last moment. He stomped out of the classroom as Five fumed.

Five did have an essay to write on Antigone. He decided to focus on the themes of family and duty. But it was mostly done and not due for anther week. What Five actually wanted to work on was the extra equations Myles gave him.

Five spent one too many early mornings hunched over his notebook in their class for them not to get curious. After begrudgingly showing a few pages but not explaining his end goal Myles teamed up with one of the physics teachers, Miss Charles to set Five challenges. As he caught up with his peers in geography, his Friday tutoring period shifted to independent study.

It gave him a few unrestricted hours to focus on his notebook and anything fun Myles and Charles set for him.

It didn't get him out of his math or physics classes.

"Is it safe to come in here yet?" Klaus whispered around the door. Klaus, Vanya, and Allison didn't live at the mansion - they hadn't for years. Diego moved back in after things settled down, Luther never left, and Five only left because he got stuck in the future.

Since Five's return, and their return from the sixties, all the Hargreeves spent more time at the mansion. They held a ceremony for Pogo who died before the re-set. Mom was still around but without Pogo running her usual diagnostics and upkeep her interface was deteriorating. She was no longer allowed to cook. So every few days one or more of the wayward Hargreeves would come by for take out or a disaster of a so-called family meal. There were still a lot of fights but the six of them were slowly getting used to being around each other in a way they never were as children. Allison and Five worked with Vanya on her control. Klaus and Diego worked on Klaus' control. Luther tried to lead them all. Five tried not to lead them all. Sometimes, if he was in the right mood, Klaus would tell them stories about Ben.

"The great ape is gone if that's what you mean." Five said around the pencil end he was chewing.

"You know, like that you actually look like a teenager for once. Instead of an angry little man." Klaus slipped in and gently latched the door.

"Fuck off."

"Hey!" Klaus raised his hands, "Don't bite my head off old man. Just wanted to see how things are going in here. And get away from Diego. That man is way to uptight, its exhausting." Klaus settled himself into a too-small desk chair bolted to a too-small desk. Five squinted at him. He was pretty sure that was Ben's old desk. It had been a long time though.

"What do you want Klaus?"

"Is it not enough to want to spend time with my favourite older brother?"

"I'm you're only older brother. You have almost four years on Diego." Klaus arrived in 1960 early in summer, with the additional 10 months in Vietnam, he was comfortably the second oldest Hargreeves.

"details." Klaus waved Five's anger off. "I was thinking you might want to invite a few friend over or something."

"To the mansion?" Five frowned at his brother. The whole point of Five having a fake name was so that the children at the school wouldn't know about his background.

"No at mine! It'll be fun. We can rope Vanya in too and make a whole thing of it. Get streamers and a punch bowl. Maybe I'll spike it." Klaus winked. "You could invite that kid from the bowling ally."

"Why would I want to have a party?" Five asked.

"So that I can live vicariously through you." Klaus leaned towards Five conspiratorially, "We are all living vicariously through you, little psycho. None of us got the chance to have a normal teenage experience." Klaus smiled softly, "I'm a little bit jealous."

"I'm not having a party, Klaus." The closest thing Five had to a friend at the school was Myles who he barely tolerated and who thought he was just a 14 year old math prodigy.


	12. Chapter 12

_Antigone's unending devotion to her brothers marks her as pure in a way that many of her family is not,_ Five wrote, _She showcases Athenian ideals for womanhood, kinship, and piety by refusing to abandon her duty to her brothers and by accepting the only freedom she had access to through an honourable death._

Antigone did not ask to be born into a cursed family. It wasn't her fault that the laws of her city went against the laws of her gods - duty to family was above any other mortal or immortal law. Five could understand that. It took him a few decades but he got there eventually. Just like Antigone, Five would do everything in his power to honour his siblings - though also like Antigone - not his father. Five still woke up from night mares of finding their corpses. He'd buried them once and that was quite enough for him.

"Hey, Five, mind if we join you?" Five looked up from his essay. Chris, George, and what's-his-name looked hopefully down at him. Five was alone at a table in the cafeteria. Most of the students at his school gave him a wide birth. Chris, George, and what's-his-name thought Five was too cool to avoid.

"If you like," Five motioned to the empty seats at the table and tucked his essay into his bag. He'd have to type it up that evening after a final edit. Maybe mom knew where dad's old typewriter was. If not he could vworp to the public library and do it there.

"Did you hear what Officer Ridley did?" George asked Five, Ridley the SRO still trailed Five pretty often - especially during Five's free study period on Friday - but he'd gone back to harassing other students as well. Five shook his head and munched on his sandwich.

"He got Kenny in trouble." George's eyes were wide and sincere.

"Who's Kenny?"

"Kenny's in our grade. I guess you don't have any classes with him though." Chris frowned, "I thought you must have at least one class with kids your own age even if you are a math prodigy."

"I have geography with other 14 year olds." Five shrugged, "And I'll have history with more of them next semester. And fine arts."

"Oh."

"Anyway Kenny is like, the sweetest kid. He's really shy and doesn't talk much. My older sister thinks he might have some sort of learning disorder or something but most people think he's just awkward. Billy and me went to his birthday party last spring." George said. Billy must be What's-his-name's name.

"His mom's a bit much but Kenny's alright."

"What did Ridley do to him?" Five asked. Five wanted an excuse, any excuse to get rid of the SRO. He hadn't taken murder off the table yet.

"I heard he cried." Probably-Billy spoke for the first time, "Ridley shouted at him and the poor kid cried."

"Yeah," George spoke again, "Kenny was supposed to be in homeroom with me an' Chris an' Abby but he was late an' Ridley caught him in the halls a few minutes past the bell an' then Miss Jones was getting a call from the office an' she told us to stay quiet and read our text book while she went down to the office to sort something out." Five was impressed that the boy didn't stop for a breath or a pause once.

"She came back with Kenny who's eyes were all red and puffy like my sister's get when she's been crying about whatever it is 17 year olds cry about." George nodded to himself, "Kenny didn't talk much the rest of the day."

Five took a gulp from his thermos and thought, "Why is Ridley even in the school. All he does is follow students around and bother honest folk."

"He's supposed to keep us safe." Chris said around a mouthful of chicken nugget, "but mostly he's just a big bully with weapons."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> True Fax: I forgot Billy's name. So Five forgot Billy's name until I bothered to go back and check.  
> True Fax 2: I originally planned (loosely) for this to feature Kenny, and then I forgot and made up a character called Spencer who I then had to go back and edit out to put Kenny back where he belongs. Spencer might show up later.


End file.
